Today I want to talk about why it is important to change your inner talk.
Yesterday i wrote an article "Stop Trying To Prove Your Worth” and received a response through Google + from a regular reader of mine.
Larry, I think this is where I'm stuck. Can you expound on this more for me? I'm trying too hard and it's wearing me out. Almost every day I feel mentally wiped out.
Virtually everyone experiences stress, feeling discouraged and pressured, and it can affect us in so many different ways.
Some find themselves being impatient with people or taking out frustrations on others, often creating unnecessary conflicts and mental stress because stress is clouding our judgment. Others just seem to feel that nothing they do is good enough and they are seeing themselves letting down their loved ones, failing at everything they do, putting themselves down constantly, even when this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Stress is exhausting at a normal level, but when we react so badly to it, and worsen our feelings and thoughts we are allowing its impact to grow to a massive level. And as my reader herself experiences it just will completely wipe you out making you feel mentally and physically completely exhausted.
But what brings about this type of reaction to your situation.
The most likely reason is taking place in your head, and it’s in the form of negative self-talk.
The way we talk to ourselves can colour all our experiences and cloud our thinking. Self talk is what we say to ourselves throughout the course of the day, both out loud and in our heads. Each and every one of us has an on going dialogue in our head that impacts our daily lives.
Inside each of us is a negative, often critical voice. This is the voice that directs our thoughts to get angry with ourselves when we make a mistake, to put us down when we feel we do something silly, ,to blame us when things go wrong. That sets us impossible goals, and makes us believable we have to do thinks which are in fact totally unnecessary.
Often our self-critical negative self-talk erodes our self-esteem. It makes us feel bad, unimportant, and unworthy. Ultimately it can affects us in many ways, for example It can lead to depression, stagnation, self pity, and many other negative consequences.
Worst still negative thoughts attract more negative thoughts, and so on it goes. This becomes like a snowball and affects other areas of our life. One thing we know for sure is our negative thoughts and emotions drag down your vitality.
The worst level we can take this to is making self sabotage our natural way of handling things. Continually creating additional mental and emotional stress. To me self sabotage is one of the worst things we as human beings can do to ourselves.
Self-sabotage is when there’s no logical reason for why you can't do the things you want to do or why you can't have the things you want to have or why you do what indeed you are doing that hurts you. There's something inside of you that sabotages your efforts to do the things you want to do and have the things you want to have. It creates an internal tug-of-war, leaving you feeling frustrated, discouraged, and trapped in a situation you desperately want to change.
Enough on the negativity, let’s now look at how to switch from negative self talk to positive self talk. Let me give you some simple steps.
1. Firstly, become more conscious of the thoughts that you have.
So often all the negativity flowing through your mind is happening automatically. Now you have to start noticing your thoughts, becoming conscious of the way your mind works and the thoughts you have. When you notice a negative thought, stop, and write it down. When you do notice a negative thought, do not pass any judgement on yourself for having this thought. Just notice it, write it down, then let it go.
2. Now replace your thoughts with positive ones.
Take a look at each negative thought that you’ve had and written down and come up with some positive thoughts to replace the negative ones. Spend some time writing down these positive statements next to your list of negative thoughts.
That is all there is to it. As you go about your day, keep catching yourself thinking negative thoughts. As soon as you do become aware of a negative thought, say "Stop" gently to yourself - do not get angry or annoyed with yourself. Now, realise how irrational the thought probably was, and choose to replace it with a positive thought that will refute what you were telling yourself.
Such a big problem yet such an easy solution. Just use it! Change your inner talk.