Where I Leave My Hat Is My Home.

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Where I Leave My Hat Is My Home.

There is something to be said about living where you have been brought up and where your relatives, such as, parents, sisters and brothers, cousins, aunts and uncles, are just around the corner that you can take the time to visit them when you feel the need. It also represents your roots. You never forget your roots, right?

Well, I know there are those that can never forget theirs. They may try to make a life somewhere new, stay for a while, decide its not exactly the life they thought it would be, constantly looking longingly at the life they left behind, not giving their new life a chance, and end up leaving, returning to their roots. When you move it feels like you’re starting all over again. You have to learn new streets, new faces, and new ways of doing things. People may dress or speak differently. The slang and accents may sound different in your new community, depending on how far you move. It’s natural for people to feel out of place in a new situation where they don’t know the customs and rules.

Experts consider moving to be one of the major stresses in life. Leaving behind friends, familiar places, and activities creates anxiety for everyone involved. A move can lead some people to become depressed, they can’t shake feelings of sadness or anxiety. Many people usually feel better once they’ve had time to settle in, but not all. Some people just can never adapt.

It would be unnatural if you did not look back sometimes and think about the life you left behind, there will be many things you will miss, there will be good and bad, things that you are lucky enough to have, and things that you no longer have. Maybe you will miss your friends that you left behind, but then new friendships can be made.

Relocating can bring with it feelings of loss that often hold people back from fully entering into and enjoying life in a new location.  Anger also is an emotion that comes into play because they miss what they left behind and their lives aren’t the way they want them to be. They do not allow themselves to move on.

When you allow the life you left behind to pull on you constantly, eventually it will cause you to throw the towel in and head back to your old home.

In my life I have lived in many different places – I wouldn’t have enjoyed things half as much as I have if I’d only lived in one place. I love the excitement of new cultures, new accents, new people and new challenges. My motto is where I leave my hat is my home. I also make friends easy, so moving around has never caused hardships for me personally.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

At the end of the day, for a relocation to be successful, there’s only one person that needs to be happy, and that’s you. There’s only one person responsible for making it happen, too, and that’s also you. The memories of family and your previous life will never really go away entirely. And, the old saying is true–absence makes the heart grow fonder–especially when you are away from family.

Of course every major life transition is difficult. Relocation always involves some degree of loss which needs to be worked through as part of the moving and settling in process. It takes time. Of course it’s difficult to move away from your familiar environment, leave a job, friends and family, the home we have known for some time and so on. Your emotional wellbeing depends on settling in, and allowing yourself to make a new life.

What happens if you can never truly settle down, and your health and mind suffer. You can’t compromise your happiness for ever.  Life is too short to be miserable and if you feel it is better for you and healthier for you to go home then that is what you must do. When you get to the point that you know you will never be happy you have to go home, figure out what you really need & want, feel better about your life. But never forget you are doing this for you, and you have to consider what’s best for others around you, and make the right decision for all of you.

So my question is – would you be prepared to leave your roots and some of your family to live in another land knowing that you perhaps wouldn’t be able to go back for financial or other reasons. What would make you do it – and what do you think you would miss most about “home” wherever that is?

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About the author: Larry Lewis
My name is Larry Lewis, Health & Wellness Life Coach, Founder of Healthy Lifestyles Living, contributor to the Huffington Post, recently featured in the Sunday Mail Newspaper and somebody who went from being an owner of a chain of gyms and fitness fanatic, to a visually impaired overweight and incredibly sick person. Read about my illness to wellness story.
15 Comments
  1. Mary Hudak-Collins July 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    My father always told me that my house was not my home. A house is only four walls and a floor. A home is what you make it 🙂 No matter where you are.

    • LarryLewis July 22, 2011 at 8:28 pm

      Mary, I agree with his thoughts. I have lived in my dream house, everything that i had ever wanted was there. Yet it never felt like my home. I learnt then that a hpme is the place where you are comfortable, happy, and where when you enter it you feel welcomed and wanted, and you feel yourself both relax and refresh from the day just gone. One thing it taught me, is there is so much more to life than material things.

  2. Jessica Brant July 22, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Larry,

    At this point in my life I would love to be anywhere but at home..

    xoxo
    Jess

    • LarryLewis July 22, 2011 at 8:24 pm

      Jessica, then let your visualisation kick in. Find some space, hide from everyone, turn off all interruptions and take yourself in your imagination anywhere you want to go. Let it refresh you and excite you. Also remember that things or people can only affect us if we allow them to do so.

  3. Debbie July 22, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    Sometimes preparing yourself is the hardest thing to do… Not sure there is a way to prepare yourself when you’re leaving some loved ones to follow your heart or dreams.

    I always believed I could leave “my roots” for love and came 2 seconds shy of doing so and it wasn’t a hop.. skip and a jump away, it was to an all together new culture, new way of living etc.

    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain

    I live by these words.

    The title of your post “Where I leave my hat is home” a home is what, where you make it.

    Enjoyed the post thanks Larry.

    • LarryLewis July 22, 2011 at 8:21 pm

      Debbie, i’ve always said i don’t want any regrets in my later life. We know that on this journey called life we have many decisions to make, we just have to have the conviction to believe in ourselves. Whether we stay close to our roots, or fly like birds away from the nest, as long as we find happiness we have made the right decisions.

  4. Savira July 22, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    I have lived in many places and lately I have been living out of a suitcase/s for the last 11 months and counting. My home is within me… I am at peace and comfortable right there… So where ever my body moves my heart and self will always be at home…
    There are moments when my physical self is tired from living out of suitcases but I tell it to move on and rest when and where I need to….

    • LarryLewis July 22, 2011 at 8:17 pm

      Savira, welcome back. As always your words are always able to capture the article, and add value. “My home is within me… I am at peace and comfortable right there” – only you could put such a wonderful thought provoking and provide the perfect way of being. Thank you

  5. rimly July 22, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    I have always been on the move. I have shifted places and houses like a gypsy and every time I do that there is an excitement in me. It is never about the place but the home that you make there. I have lived in about eight different states so far and each had its charm but somehow I do not get attached to the places. Yes the people we live behind I do miss but life goes on, some you keep in touch with, some just disappear and you go on to make new friends in different places. That’s why I have friends from all over. in a way I am not rooted to any place leaving in a boarding school and college and university. Lovely post Larry.

    • LarryLewis July 22, 2011 at 8:11 pm

      Rimly, life is an adventure, and like you i have lived in many, many places, and i just make sure i make the most of each and every one. Seeing new places, making new friends, making new discoveries adds excitement to my life. No pportunity of going stale.

  6. Corinne Rodrigues July 23, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Larry – What a beautiful post this is. Incidentally I love the song too and had to go listen to it again when you reminded me. My Dad was in the Army and we moved every second year – new place, new school, new friends – the only constant was family. I learned to adapt really quick to new situations. We ‘settled’ when I was about 13, but I kept switching careers until I was where I wanted to be – training and personal development. Then 4 1/2 years ago, I met my husband and moved to another city. The change was easy as some levels and difficult at others but now I’ve settled. And with the change came my new ‘career’ writing and I’m loving it. Who knows what the future will bring, for now I’m ‘at home’ 🙂

    • LarryLewis July 23, 2011 at 2:57 pm

      Corinne I believe that with a military lifestyle involving many moves to all sorts of geographic relocations the children never really have a home town. A benefit for many is the chance to live in foreign countries, exposure to foreign languages and cultures. What i am also starting to see, is it nurtures adlts like us that have a fascination and an interest for the psychological and physical well-being of others.

  7. Jessica Mokrzycki July 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    I’ve always found moving exciting…but it definitely depends on the reason. I love the idea of community, so if I find a sense of that in my new place it definitely helps. We were blessed, the last time we moved to where we live currently that that’s exactly what we found. I thinkit’s important to make new connections with others and also keep ties back to one’s roots. It broadens one’s perspective and experience.

    Great post 🙂

    • LarryLewis July 28, 2011 at 2:29 pm

      Jessica – very well said. Move forward in life, make new friends, but never turn your back on old ones.

  8. Paul Ryan January 10, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    Hi Larry

    Thanks for this great post !

    It is true that home is the place where you enjoy with your closed ones. So you should always relocate for staying together.

    Regards

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