Change Your Attitude and Mindset to Have a Happier Life

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Change Your Attitude and Mindset to Have a Happier Life

As a blogger one of the things I enjoy doing is visiting other blogs and reading their latest articles. There are a few that I read regularly, written by wonderful, talented ladies. Their skills with using words put me to shame. They write the most intense, emotional poetry you can find. They are also very supportive in my social networking community, they are often chatting, helping others out, and in their terminology ‘spreading the love’ by commenting on many other blogs. Normally I would introduce them and their blogs by providing a link, but in this case I’ve decided it wouldn’t be right.

Without going into detail, they both have been hurt by circumstances in their lives.  Things have happened to derail them from their path. They find it very difficult to let go and move on.

Often it seems they tend to look on the dark side of events, and the dark side of themselves.  At times it seems their heads are overwhelmed by negative thoughts. Our minds are very powerful things, and when we constantly put ourselves down, or let situations overwhelm us we programme our minds to accept them as true and embrace their essence.

Of course life has ups and downs and as humans we are fallible. When life throws a few curve balls our way we too often  let the problems overwhelm us and continuously go over them in our minds. This repetitive cycle does not bring answers and simply increases our focus on the unhappy or unhealthy situation.

Time heals most wounds, if we let it. But until this happens we allow our hurt to ruin our lives. At best you’re sad most of the time because you hold on to these thoughts and allow them to control you. At worst they send you into a spiral of depression.

I care about these particular ladies, as I care about all other human beings. They might be the catalyst for this article, but I know so many others of you live your life in a very similar way.

A good friend of mine, has split from his partner. He knows he has to move on. He has no choice. I know he tries, but way to frequently his thoughts go back to her, and he just crashes. I personally know how hard it is to recover from a break up of a long term relationship. His world for to long has seemed to him to be falling apart. His life, his emotions and everything seems to be caught in a storm, and it just feels like it will never come to an end.

I have read a wonderful quote that helped me and I would like to share it:

When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn’t mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. (1 John 2:19)

The end of a relationship is not the end of your life. There will be other chapters of your life with new people coming in and out of your life. One day the perfect partner will enter your world, you just have to believe it.  You have to let that other person go so that you can get on with your life and live it the way it is meant to be lived.

The starting point is to pick yourself up and move on. You have to change your attitude and mindset from a non-productive one, into one that is positive and progressive. Positive thinking is the key to having a happy and optimistic outlook on life. Let your attention focus on more productive tasks. Get stuck in to trying to achieve one of those long term goals that you have let slip.

You have done your grieving, felt the pain of loss, so now you have to pull yourself out of this rut and get on with a new and better life. Life is an adventure, and without challenges, where’s the fun? There are good times and there are bad times, but that is part of the reality we live in. It’s a rollercoaster ride that’s fascinating and scary, enjoyable and sad, exhilarating and frightening .

Life is not a piece of cake, as we all know. As there are happy moments, there are bad moments too. Everybody enjoys happy moments. The problem is when bad times reach us, expected or unexpectedly. It hurts, we feel like crying and we feel so sad and depressed and angry, we feel helpless & worthless.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could just get over your problems and move on?  Just letting it go.

Look within yourself.  What are some qualities you have that you like about yourself? Are you pretty ? Are you intelligent? Are you a good friend? Are you generous? Try focusing on the positive things in your life. If you feel good about yourself, first the rest will follow. What goals could excite you?

You must turn to positive thinking, imagine a happy future, a positive one! Our thoughts shape our moods, so positive thoughts can put us into an energetic, hopeful mood, while persistent negative thoughts make us fall into despair

“If you see a difference between where you are and where you want to be – consciously change your thoughts, words, and actions to match your grandest vision.” Neal Donald Walsh

Believe it or not, it is within your power to create positive thoughts allowing you to accomplish anything you set out to do.  Its time you get out of that depressed mood and start living again. Your reactions are due to how you interpret events – whether you view things from an optimistic or a pessimistic viewpoint.

“We can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say goodbye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can’t turn the hourglass over.” – Unknown

We tend to blame ourselves when things go wrong.  We heap guilt on our shoulders.  We don’t weigh up situations or feelings rationally.  We become so overwhelmingly negative that we don’t allow for any possibility of positive.

You need to give constant, moment-to-moment monitoring of your every thought, word, and feeling. It will involve being conscious of everything you do,  of what you are choosing in the way of thoughts, words, and feelings, and aware of every action you take.

When you tune into your self talk and hear you being hard on yourself, interrupt it. Challenge that thought! Is it really true? Or are you repeating something that you were told by someone else? What can you say to yourself that would be supportive, rational or calming? Our thoughts are the basis of what we think about ourselves, our self confidence and what we “think” will happen to us. These images have a strong influence on the quality of our life.

Choosing your thoughts and, more significantly, “choosing how to react to those thoughts” can make all the difference when it comes to everyday life experiences.

“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”  Mahatma Gandhi

So do you have moments when you’re really stressed out, feeling sorry for yourself, bewildered at the unfairness of it all?

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About the author: Larry Lewis
My name is Larry Lewis, Health & Wellness Life Coach, Founder of Healthy Lifestyles Living, contributor to the Huffington Post, recently featured in the Sunday Mail Newspaper and somebody who went from being an owner of a chain of gyms and fitness fanatic, to a visually impaired overweight and incredibly sick person. Read about my illness to wellness story.
  1. rimly says:

    Larry am I one of them? Perhaps…but I am trying to get out though there are days when things can get you down. But like you said it is our negative thoughts that control us. I just finished reading a very hauntingly beautiful book about soul mates and one line in particular caught my attention. It says that happy times in our lives should live on as memories and bad times should become a lesson. People come and go, there is birth and death in relationships and like you said we need to move on in the hope of more good and better things and people coming our way. Thank you as always

    • LarryLewis says:

      Rimly, my pleasure. You inspire me, but you know that. When a very important, special relationship ended for me, i could have decided to feel sorry for myself, live through the memories of what we had and regret the loss. If i had i would have mourned as though she had passed away, rather than she did moved on. Instead i gave thanks to what we had, held with gratitude the good memories which i would never lose, but made the determination, that this chapter of my life’s story had closed, and now the opportunities would come to me to write a new, fresh exciting chapter in my life. To look forward to me was far more motivating and uplifting then to look back and allow myself to be held there by what i had lost

  2. Bec Owen says:

    Good advice, Larry…when we tune in to our self-talk and challenge it, we can then replace negative thoughts with thoughts that feel positive and good! It is so freeing to know that we can all do this!

    A great post!

  3. SJ says:

    A large part of moving on is being able to close that part of your life, there are instances where you do not have closure that you need to be able to move on and that tends to be where the difficulty lies. I always try to think that the first step in letting go or moving on is to accept that you cannot change past events but you have the ability to control how you feel about them and ultimately how you deal with them.

    • LarryLewis says:

      SJ thank you for this valuable comment. Closure means finality; a letting go of what was. It requires acceptance of what has happened and an honoring of the transition away from what’s finished to something new. When you decide on closure you can now go beyond the imposed limitations in order to find different possibilities.

  4. Neil Haywood says:

    That is true Larry. Although I don’t know if ‘changing your mindset’ is the right thing to do. I think you should concentrate on not letting things change who you are in the first place (prevention is better than cure right?). You can’t choose who likes you and who doesn’t in this world, it’s not your choice to make and you shouldn’t get down when someone chooses not to be with you. Lift your head up and soldier through is my advice. If you start to let these things get on top of you it will lead to a horrible thing. It will eventually change who you are…

    • LarryLewis says:

      Neil – where did that come from. What an awesome comment. So full of sense and undertanding. Always be yourself, change for no man. As you know with me, love me, or hate me, you never forget me. I just have to question one part of what you say. To quote “I don’t know if changing your mindset is the right thing to do”. Is this the Neil that 4 months ago saw computers as things to fix, or make bettter. Who saw the internet as an opportunity to master, develop and use your unbelievable SEO skills. Who saw blogging as a complete waste of time and energy, with no logical purpose. Remind me what is the venture you have started on, and are filled with excitement and expectation … isn’t it building and writing your own blog.

  5. You are making me cry Larry..and you know why…I want to move on,why can’t I..It’s easy to forget things you want to remember.. It’s hard to forget things you don’t want to remember… I want to stop wishing that life was different and I should live the one I have, because its the only one I have got.I can control my feelings but can’t control my tears….why are you so good Larry,how can you reach out time and again to me..God will bless you always..

    • LarryLewis says:

      Alpana – I recently wrote a post called ask the Life Coach. In life you cross paths with people that you make connections with. people that have an importance to your life. I have over the months come to see you as a beautiful lady, talented writer, and a wonderful blogger and leader of a great group. I am here for you, and would be privileged, when you are ready, to help you find your missing answers. Not publicly, but privately. Please make contact any time, and lets take you away from the things that hold you back.

  6. Debbie says:

    Larry, your post came at a good time as I’ve struggled with the same “slightly cracked opened door” for a year now. I start to walk away thinking, I am going to do it this time and take a few steps only to turn around and go back. I know it’s long past time to move on and just finish closing the door but I can’t. Letting go and walking away aren’t as easy as said. I have my good days and bad I am working on my attitude and trying to let go, move on… I walk away from your post with some much needed “strength”

    • LarryLewis says:

      Debbie – letting go and moving on is never easy. But when we know that for our sanity and our health we must do, then we have no option. If we don’t at first succeed, try try again. The time will come when you finally can shut that door tightly closed, nd move on with a spring in your mind and body

  7. Such wise words. I have been working on just that. Trying to focus on the positive and take baby steps of progress.

    • LarryLewis says:

      Rachel – “It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.” Old Chinese Proverb

  8. sulekha says:

    Choosing your thoughts is the most difficult thing to do,but your post helps. It’s all in the mind, is so true and we can school our minds to behave.Great post, thanks.

    • LarryLewis says:

      Sulekkha – Never forget , you are the owner of your mind, you re the boss of your inner self, you are the one that can say no to the external influences that try to open up your negative thoughts. The more you develop your ability to focus on the positives, the more you creste a habit of it, then the more you enjoy life.

  9. Great post!

    If we can master our self talk and generate positive thoughts we can survive the bad moments in life – such as break-ups, friends or family members who die, …

    Every bad moment has his good things if you look very close.

    And our mind gives our the power to get over it and create our own happiness, no matter what.

    thanks for sharing!

  10. Josh Coffy says:

    Larry, that was an AWESOME post! I have so many relatives and friends that say “life sucks.” When the fact of the matter is: LIFE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET AND IF YOU THINK IT SUCKS, THEN SOMETHING’S WRONG! lol <–Sorry about that rant! 🙂

    What many people don't realize is that happiness lies in our mindset. Every single one of those quotes you gave above hit the nail on the head! (Can't have this post without some good ole' Ghandi!)

    Thanks for sharing man!

    Living Happily,

    • LarryLewis says:

      Josh – welcome. Glad i visited your blog. Awesome article mate. Rant away, what you say is right. Of course shit happens, and if we want to find it we sure can. But equally if we look for good things, if we want happiness to rule our lives, we can find that to. We need the right perspective, the right attitude. God don’t you just love blogging. look forward to getting to know you mate

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