One of the greatest challenges we all face is becoming comfortable with ourselves. A person who is secure with himself is much more likely to achieve success in life, as well as enjoy the journey. Unfortunately that is not how most of you live, you have a tendency to fixate on everything that “can” go wrong and that is the root of your insecurities, and these are what have taken control of you.
So much of our thinking concentrates on negative thoughts, particularly what I call the ‘What If’ scenario.
- What if I lose my job
- What if I can’t pay my bills
- What if my girlfriend cheats on me
- What if I have a incurable disease
- What if my blog gets virus infected
- What if I’m not good enough to do this
The list just goes on and on.
How many of you live filled with worries and insecurity?
I recently read something that got me really thinking.
There was a story of this young man who loved the outdoors and to go hiking. He also liked being alone and often hiked alone. One day, while hiking, he came to a challenging cliff. Being a man, he took the challenge to conquer and headed up the face of the mountain. He carefully chose his hand and foot holds and inched his way upward. After hours of exhaustive work when he had almost reached the top, there came a strong gust of wind along which threw him off balance. He lost his hold and began to free fall toward the jagged rocks below, surely to his death. However on his way down he spotted a limb of a tree protruding outward from the rock wall. In desperation, he twisted his body and managed to grab the limb with both of his hands thus stopping his fall. There he was clinging to a tree limb still over 100 feet from the ground. There were no hand or foot holds on the face of the cliff in the area. There was no way to climb up or down. To let go would mean certain death. In desperation, he began to shout for help. “Help. Help! HELP!” However, no one answered his cry or came to help. He began to pray for God to send someone to help, but no one came. His hands and arms ached with fatigue. He almost without thinking in a desperate cry, shouted, “God HELP!” At first there was a long silence, then he heard a deep voice that seemed to echo from below. “Let go and I will catch you.” In bewilderment, seeing no one, he cried, “Who is it?” The answer boomed back, “It is the LORD. Let go and I will catch you.” It was a moment of decision. How much longer could he hold on to the limb? Certainly not long. Would someone come to his rescue before he fell to his death? There was no assurance that anyone would come. Would he let go trusting that God would somehow safely catch him before he hit the ground? I will leave the conclusion of the story with you. What would you do?
What are you clinging to for your security? How much longer can you hold on? Can you trust that anyone else will come along to save you?
As a life coach I work with many clients who deal with problems of insecurity. Many human beings are emotionally vulnerable, and have the capacity to be hurt. Too often they just wait, expecting something to bite them on the arse.
A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own self, and one or more of their abilities, lacks belief in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by “going wrong” in the future.
Are you feeling insecure? Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable in some way.
People who are insecure can:
- Have problems establishing healthy, long-term relationships.
- Be perceived by others as being weak.
- Be prevented from taking action or making choices.
- Feel threatened by other people around them.
- Be over-controlled emotionally
- Afraid of standing up for what they believe in.
- Become so inward that they seek to escape into their fantasy life rather than deal with the reality of their lives.
So why are people insecure? Some factors such as…
- Being raised in an environment full of uncertainty and insecurity.
- Experienced a major tragedy or loss in their lives and are having a difficult time in accepting this loss and adjusting to the change.
- Experienced a major catastrophe in life (e.g., divorce, losing a job, bankruptcy) that led them to question their personal competency.
- Lack of direction in life, no goals to drive them.
- Poor self image and low self esteem.
- Lack of trust.
- The fear of rejection, pain, loss, and embarrassment.
The following are situations where you could feel insecure:
- Relationships: you may be feeling insecure about your relationship with your partner and you are just waiting for the day this relationship will end, you are always suspicious, full of mistrust, doubting their feelings for you.
- Financially: You are constantly looking at your current balance, scared of the next bill landing on your door mat. You can’t see a way out of financial problems, worried even more about the future? are you always worried about your future financial condition? if your answers were yes then most probably you are feeling financially insecure.
- The Future: You worry about what the future will bring. Unsure about whether you will achieve your life goals, or getting to the point where you can say you are content with life. You see your life with very few worthwhile prospects.
- Your job: You fear that your job is not that secure, and at any time you could lose it. You question your abilities of doing the job, always putting your performance down, and worrying about whether you will be found out for being inadequate.
Insecurity can become a major problem in your life if it is not keep in check. In order to deal with your feelings of insecurity you must fight the root cause that made those feelings of insecurity appear in your life.
You can’t know for sure, with 100% certainty, what will happen to you the today, tomorrow, or any time in the future. But there is no reason to allow the unknown to control your life, and fill you with insecurity. You have to get yourself off the worry merry-go-round and feel secure about your life and your future. Take control of your destiny.
If you don’t take action to deal with your feelings of insecurity then your life will suffer. You have to take action to resolve your insecurities. Never ignore them, start dealing them right now. You can’t run away to escape the situation, and nor is it productive to point their finger and blame others, and still do nothing.
So what do you feel insecure about? Come on, ask yourself that question. Go through them in your mind, dig deep, write down your problems. You will be amazed at the various solutions you can come up with once you put down your problems on paper instead of twirling it around in your mind. Be very objective in how you approach the problem. If you really don’t know how to solve it, just become comfortable with the feeling of not knowing. In fact embrace ‘not knowing’, but you are now fully aware about the issues that you are insecure about, answers will come.
You are at your most powerful when you believe in yourself. When you believe in yourself, you are far more likely not to feel insecure
- Trust what’s going on in your life.
- Stand up for your rights.
- Respect your own boundaries and react when someone crosses them
- Respect yourself more, and expect to receive respect from others.
- Give yourself the caring, safety, and security you deserve.
Enjoy your life now it’s not weighed down by your insecurities. Most of them were stupid anyway.