Poor me, man flu has struck me down. I have a confession to make. If you think I’m going to confess to not living a healthy lifestyle, you are wrong. I do! I exercise daily. I wouldn’t go a single day without doing some cardiovascular training and weight training. I do it because I love it, and that it’s good for me. I also eat healthily. I eat every 3 hours, combining complex carbohydrates and protein. I utilise my relaxation methods every morning, progressive muscular relaxation, stretching, and deep breathing exercises. I visualise my day ahead, totally getting myself excited with what’s to come. I live a totally healthy lifestyle.
Alas even this sometimes isn’t enough. There are a few dreadful illnesses that no matter how much you look after yourself, they will still get you.
This week I have been struck down with a debilitating destructive unbearable disease …. I have man flu. So even a Healthy Lifestyle Coach isn’t immune to this potentially fatal illness.
My symptoms include nasal and chest congestion, coughing, runny nose, scratchy throat and a general feeling of malaise. Every muscle of my body hurts, and somebody inside my head is working on a pneumatic drill, I have the worst headache imaginable. I won’t go into further details, I simply don’t want to scare you.
Man flu is a critically dangerous illness, crippling and debilitating us poor male members of the human species without warning. Any of you doubters out there who think this is an exaggerated claim – well either you have never experienced this dreadful thing, or simply you are a female.
Man Flu has made me weak, sick, hurting everywhere and in dire need of tender loving care.
Yet all the women in my life seem to ridicule me and show scepticism about how bad it really is, they even doubt it’s anything more than a common cold. I am expected to be strong and dependable, and the ravages of this deplorable illness just are too complicated for a woman to understand. Where’s my mother when I need her?
I try and show them, from a healthy lifestyle coach’s perspective, that a full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if my simple requests for concern, compassion and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so much to ask?
Let me try to explain the differences that most ladies alas don’t understand. When your symptoms are just congestion, sore throat, sneezing, coughing—you have a cold.
If you have all those symptoms plus a fever of 38.8˚C (102˚F) or more, headache, muscle aches, extreme fatigue, diarrhoea, nausea or vomiting, you’re more likely to have the flu.
When you have all the above, but each of those symptoms is the worst it could possibly be, you have man flu.
An article in the Daily Telegraph clearly proves that Man Flu is no myth as scientists have proven its existence. .
A survey in men’s magazine Nuts found that men are more likely to get flu and take longer to get over it. Their recovery rate is three days, compared to 1.5 days for women. Yet I add the women were probably only suffering with a mild cold, which is totally incomparable.
I have discovered further evidence to prove its existence. It has been shown that Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact. This factual statement is only made after surveying over 100,000 people. They would certainly know, as all 100,000 have suffered from this dreadful illness.
Being a man’s man this is just an unbelievably dangerous time for me. Being a man I’m expected to go and hunt dangerous beasts to protect and feed my family, and so I need to be in peak physical condition as the slightest mistake could result in catastrophic results.
I will now offer my fellow man some remedies that may work for him. Alas my dose is far too bad to be healed quickly. I will just soldier on, as is my way.
- My grandmas remedy. Drink a bowl or two of Chicken soup. Chicken soup stops certain white blood cells (neutrophils) from congregating and causing inflammation, preventing large amounts of mucus from being produced. The hot soup also thins the mucus. Adding freshly chopped garlic to your soup gives the system a powerful boost. While garlic kills germs outright, it also appears to stimulate the release of natural killer cells, which are part of the immune system’s arsenal of germ-fighters.
- My mum supported by Dad would have offered a drink consisting of Lemon-lime and honey-flavoured with a shot of whisky, with the addition of boiling water, making it a hot drink. It often has proven to be a great pick-me-up. 1/2 a lemon 2tsp of honey and a single measure of Whisky in hot water 4 times a day is an acceptable amount. Even if this doesn’t work, you will feel a little better particularly if you cheat with the measures.
- Those who claim to be in the know, suggest taking the herbal remedy Echinacea, which they claim can more than halve the risk of catching a common cold, and can cut the duration of a cold by a day-and-a-half. They go on to claim Echinacea may reduce the duration of illness and decreases the severity of cough, headache, and nasal congestion associated with Man Flu. I have tried this many times, but can’t say I’m that impressed. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so try it.
- My first choice would be to help keep mucus loose, staying in a moist, warm, well-ventilated room. To keep the air in your bedroom moist, place bowls of water near the air ducts or run a humidifier. Try to stay in bed, and conserve the little energy you have. It may help relax you if you watch some Television. I personally find the Sports Channel brings be a little bit of extra vitality.
- A far fetched ludicrious suggestion I have come across is to try a mustard plaster for chest congestion. Grind up three tablespoons of mustard seeds, add water to make a paste, and then slather it on your chest. The pungent aroma helps to unclog stuffy sinuses, while the heat improves blood circulation and eases congestion. Don’t leave the plaster on for more than 15 minutes, however, or your skin may burn. You may want to smear on a bit of petroleum jelly before you apply the plaster to protect the skin. Keep away from contact with anybody because they’ll think your after shave has exceeded its sell by date.
- Something I try partly because it blocks out the unsympathetic words I would hear normally is to pour just-boiled water into a large bowl. Drape a towel over the top of my head to trap the steam, and breathe in through your nose for five to 10 minutes. Don’t lower your face too close to the water or you risk scalding your skin or inhaling vapours that are too hot. To make steam inhalations more effective, add five to 10 drops thyme oil or eucalyptus oil to the water. Keep your eyes closed as you breathe in the steam, since both essential oils and steam may irritate your eyes.
- A method I strongly recommend. Eat a spicy dish (e.g. hot curry). It will drive out the virus from your nose, especially if your nose and eyes tend to stream when eating hot food. I know you don’t expect this to come from a healthy lifestyle coach. But I’m only human. My days may be numbered, and I love Indian food.
- Another rather desperate method is to dose up on garlic—a natural antiseptic. If you’re feeling very courageous, hold a small clove or a half-clove of garlic in your mouth and breathe the fumes into your throat and lungs. If it gets too strong as the clove softens, just chew if up quickly into smaller pieces and swallow with water.
- Being a serious writer I suggest you try taking 20 to 30 drops of elderberry tincture three or four times daily for three days. Elderberry has been used in Europe for centuries to fight viruses. Alternatively take one 250 mg astragalus capsule, twice daily, until you’re better. This ancient Chinese herb stimulates the immune system and seems to be highly effective at fighting colds and flu. To prevent a relapse, take one capsule twice a day for an additional week after your symptoms are gone.
- If all else fails inform accident and emergency at your local hospital to prepare the paramedics arrange collection by the local air ambulance and as a last desperate measure write your will, but tell the wife, because she may suddenly show the tender loving care you need.
I repeat to my female readers, man flu is not just a cold!
I hope these remedies can help you in your hour of need. I offer you the support you deserve, because being a man I understand how bad Man Flu is.
Man Flu destroys lives, so help me now. Do you know any remedies which will help me survive this terrible illness? I beg you let me know of them before it’s to late. With your help hopefully my Blog will return to normal very soon … if I survive!